I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
