i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
