I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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