I wish my penis had an off switch
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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