Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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