She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
