meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
