Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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