Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
