Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
