I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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