A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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