Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
