and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
