Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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