we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
