i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
