If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
