bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
