my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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