we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
