got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
