bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
