Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
