whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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