Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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