Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
