these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
