there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
my liver is dry heaving
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
