did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
