I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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