um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
