I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
