dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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