Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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