we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
