if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
