Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
