My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
