After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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