I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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