he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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