You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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