So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
