all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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