He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
they call him Oral-B. enough said
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
