Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
