we have officially mastered the walk of shame
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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