i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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