I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We had sex on a dog bed..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
