First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
